


Veniam Dare

by ancslove



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Post-Episode: s03e12 Helpless, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27202480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancslove/pseuds/ancslove
Summary: Buffy processes the events of Helpless and tries to deal with Giles' betrayal.
Relationships: Angel/Buffy Summers, Faith Lehane & Buffy Summers, Rupert Giles & Buffy Summers
Comments: 5
Kudos: 28
Collections: Fic In A Box





	Veniam Dare

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Melacka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/gifts).



Angel lurked outside of Sunnydale High School, watching the troupe of middle-aged men file into their rental car. His lip curled in disdain. Watchers always had a distinctive presence, smug superiority and tweed-wrapped arrogance. But the Watchers weren’t his concern right now. Stealing into the school, he made his way to the library.

He could smell her blood down the corridor, the metallic tang a call to his demon and a lance to his soul. Buffy sat slumped in a chair, looking thoroughly exhausted. An angry gash marred her forehead, weeping sluggishly, and he was sure there were also hidden bruises. Rupert Giles stood before her, unexpected shame turning the air sour. Buffy looked up as Angel entered, the set of her shoulders easing just slightly.

“Angel.”

“Buffy. What happened?”

Skirting around Giles, Angel dropped to one knee beside her chair.

“What happened? Another stellar birthday for Buffy. I think this is becoming a thing.”

Angel winced, his own shame rising as he remembered her last birthday, and the torment he’d inflicted. But Buffy’s fingers, so fragile and yet always so strong, entwined in his. He squeezed her hand, trying to convey that he was here for her. Always.

“On the plus side,” Buffy continued, “I killed another vamp. And there’s a good chance my mom may not be scarred for life, even!”

“Is your mom ok?”

“Yeah, she’s very good, for a kidnap victim.” Buffy brushed a hand through her hair, carefully avoiding the open wound. “Seriously though, she was great.”

Buffy pushed herself to her feet, and then pulled Angel up to his. “Walk me home?”

Behind them, Giles cleared his throat diffidently. Angel tensed. Giles had been leery of him since his… return, although he tried to hide it for Buffy’s sake, and Angel tried to respect his ambivalent feelings. He owed Giles more than he could ever repay. But now, something else seemed to be happening between Watcher and Slayer.

“Buffy, before you—,”

“We’ll talk later, Giles,” Buffy cut him off. She smiled, a tiny softening of her expression. “We’re ok.”

Hand firmly clasping Angel’s, she pulled him from the room. 

Outside, Buffy’s strides faltered. She pulled Angel’s arm around her shoulder and burrowed into his side. 

“So, um, how do you feel? Did you recover your full strength?”

Buffy looked up at him, brows furrowed. “You can’t tell? You can’t, I don’t know, sense me?”

Angel shrugged. “I just sense you. Buffy.”

Nestling back into him, Buffy sighed. “No, I’m not at full Slayer strength yet. But I will be, hopefully soon. Giles said it should only be another day or two.”

“So he found out what was going on?”

Buffy laughed, a jagged, bitter, helpless sound. “He didn’t have to find out. He already knew. He did it.”

Angel froze, staring at her. “What do you mean? Are you sure?”

He knew Giles had been her mainstay, her support and comfort against all the monsters and demons of Sunnydale, including Angel himself. Giles loved her as deeply as Angel did. He couldn’t imagine him deliberately hurting her.

Buffy tugged on him, pulling him forward once more. They walked in silence through the empty streets. Angel’s arm tightened around her, trying to offer what comfort he could.

In front of her home, Buffy directed Angel to her bedroom window. “I’m gonna check on Mom, I’ll meet you up there.”

Angel bit his lip, wishing he could be someone she didn’t have to hide. Buffy had so much pain and shadow in her life, so many secrets she had to keep, she deserved someone who didn’t add to her burden. Someone who could walk with her into the light. He scaled the wall to her bedroom, entering just as he heard Joyce assure her daughter that she was safe and well. Buffy wished her goodnight, and then she was there again.

She closed the door, shedding her strong Slayer persona as she did. Crossing the room in an instant, Angel wrapped her in his arms. The way she leaned into him, nose buried in his neck, warmed Angel’s unbeating heart. Scooping her up, he moved toward the bed. Once settled, she stripped off her shirt and took stock of her injuries. Bruises speckled her arms and torso. Carefully ignoring her breasts, pert and tempting, Angel’s fingers brushed gently against each mark he could see, trying to soothe. He knew the physical injuries would heal, disappear within a few days as if they’d never been. Angel was more worried about the scars which only showed in her eyes. The last time he’d seen her this shattered, he was the one savaging her. And although he hated to see her in pain, he could only be grateful that this time, he was privileged to comfort her. He helped to tend the more serious wounds and then watched as she pulled on a soft sleep shirt.

“Want to tell me what happened?” 

“It was a thing, apparently. A big Watcher Council testy thing on a Slayer’s eighteenth birthday. The Slayer’s Slayness is removed and then she’s locked in a room with a vampire. If she kills the vamp, she passes. Yay.”

“Why on earth-?”

“Beats me, I’ll figure that one out later. Something about wanting to see how good I really am. Giles, um, Giles told me everything before the test could actually start. But, the Watchers being the geniuses they are, had already lost the vamp they were babysitting. And then he kidnapped my mom, so I put him back to bed with some nice Holy Water to drink.”

Angel drew her closer, heart clenching at the pain beneath her flippant words. Buffy rested her head against his shoulder, eyes closing. Angel bent down to kiss her forehead. She gave a sleepy, kitten murmur and pressed against him. 

“Kiss me.”

Angel complied, lips brushing her forehead, her cheek, her lips. Buffy’s mouth opened beneath his, sweet and so trusting. She arched against him, deepening their kiss. Buffy’s fingers slid into his hair as their mouths moved together. Her other hand wormed under his shirt, clutching at his back and shoulders, hungry. Angel felt her desperation and hurt in each touch. And so he fought down his own fear, his panic for his soul, and focused on giving Buffy what she needed. His hands played over silky, smooth skin, trying to warm her with cold hands.

Finally, Buffy pulled away and curled back up against his chest. “I didn’t tell you the best part.”

“Mmm?”

“Yeah.” Shifting against him, she looked up at him. “The Council decided that I was good enough to keep. Lucky me. I passed their little test, but Giles didn’t. Angel, they fired him. They fired Giles.”

Angel stared at her. “They can’t mean that. He’s one of the best Watchers I’ve seen.”

“You’ve seen many? Or do I not want to know?”

“Been around a few,” Angel said. “And generally, the Watchers out in the world, with assigned Slayers, are better than the Council heads holed up in their towers. But Giles was the best. Buffy, you can’t doubt his care for you.”

Buffy snorted. “That wasn’t the issue. ‘You have a father’s love for the child, and that is useless to the Cause.’ Caring for me is useless.”

Angel pulled her in tight, one hand coming up to cradle the back of her head. “Buffy, no. They’re wrong.”

Bufy shook her head. “Travers fired him for loving me, because that’s not supposed to happen. I’m just a weapon.”

“Buffy, Buffy, shh. They’re wrong.” Angel stroked through her hair soothingly.

She wasn’t listening. “And maybe he’s right. You love me, and look what happened to you! You lost your soul and then I sent you to hell!” Buffy pulled away to pace beside the bed, getting more worked up as her thoughts and fears spilled out. “What’s wrong with me, Angel? What’s so wrong about loving me? Why does loving me hurt people?”

Angel was in front of her in a flash, wrapping himself around her as she broke down in sobs. He sat her down and cupped her face in his hands. “Listen to me, Buffy. There is nothing wrong with you. Nothing at all. Yes, I love you. Giles loves you, Willow and Xander love you. Knowing you and loving you have made all of us better. The Watchers’ Council is too blinded by tradition and power to see it, but that’s their failing. And maybe that’s why Slayers usually have a tenure of under three years.”

Angel brushed a tear from Buffy’s cheek. 

“Buffy, you taught me how to love. And although I would give anything to erase the pain I wrought on you and all the horror and death I inflicted, I can’t regret loving you. Everything good in me is because of you.”

Buffy smiled through her tears. “That’s not true. But thank you.”

Through the night, Angel watched as Buffy, nestled protectively in the crook of his arm, slept. Giles’ betrayal seemed unthinkable, and the darkest part of him growled in both fury and twisted pleasure. This test Buffy talked about seemed insane. Deliberating endangering their most successful Slayers was absolutely nonsensical. There’d been rumors in the underworld of arcane Watcher rituals which might possibly be exploited by brave demons, but no one, to Angel’s knowledge, had been able to garner any helpful details. But this was beyond what Angel had expected. Buffy had defended Giles, or at least thought being fired was punishment enough. Angel would deal with Giles, or not, as Buffy wanted. Maybe Buffy would let him put the terror of Angelus in Travers and the Council. For tonight, his duty was to watch over her. She was his girl. Always. 

* * *

* * *

The next morning, Buffy woke after sunrise, and smiled ruefully. "Sorry, Angel. Guess you're stuck here for the day. But thanks for staying."

Angel smiled. "I'll be careful to avoid your mom. And always, anything you need."

Buffy fiddled with the hem of her shirt. "I guess I'll see Giles in school today. But then what happens? What do you think the new guy will be like?"

Angel brushed her hair back gently. "I don't know, but I'm sure you'll charm him."

"Maybe I don't wanna charm the new guy," Buffy pouted. She really didn't want to think of who the new Watcher would be. But her mind kept circling back, despite her wishes. Would he be some old, experienced guy who'd already Watched a Slayer before, come to show her and Giles how it's done? Or one of Travers' snooty friends or flunkies, reporting back to the boss every time she made a move. And would Giles really stay in Sunnydale, if he wasn't her Watcher?

She voiced that last worry, and Angel's hand, strong and comforting, came up to cup her chin. "I'm sure he will, Buffy. He'd never leave you."

The sincerity in his eyes soothed her. Buffy pulled him to her, kissing him. She could so easily lose herself in the feel and taste of him, licking into the cool depths of his mouth. He felt solid and stable, and although she knew that was at least partly an illusion, she couldn't help herself. She was safe and loved in his arms. She'd said once before, that he was the one freaky thing in her freaky life that made sense, and it was still true. 

* * *

At school, Buffy found herself avoiding the library. She needed to talk to Giles, let him know again that they were ok. Just, right now, she didn't know what to say. Instead, she skipped out early and sought out Faith. Her sister Slayer had been out of town during the Council's happenings, and wasn't Buffy regretting that she hadn't gone with her. She caught up with Faith in her favorite cemetery. 

"Hey, B! Had much fun while I was gone?"

Buffy hesitated, unsure of how to break the news.

"What's wrong?" Faith asked, before drawing herself up. "God, who died?"

"Oh, just a vamp. And, maybe Giles' career as a Watcher." Buffy dropped her gaze.

"No shit! He's too young to retire!"

Buffy exhaled, leaning against a tree. Putting it into words never got any easier. Slowly, she talked about the Watchers' test, Giles' betrayal, and her mom's kidnapping. Faith at least looked impressed when Buffy told her about the holy water trick she'd used to kill Kralick. And then she had to talk about Quentin Travers' ruling, and the rage returned as she remembered his smug face and supercilious tone.

"So, long story short, they will be sending us a new Watcher."

Faith, perched on a headstone, frowned. "I thought Giles was supposed to be one of the good ones."

"He is!" Buffy protested. "He-he did what he thought he had to, what he was ordered. And it sucks and I hate it, but he is one of the good ones. One of the best. And one day I'll be able to fully explain why." 

She hadn't fully processed her feelings about Giles, but it was getting easier and clearer every time she had to tell this story. He'd saved her, broke off the test for her, lost his job over her. And she understood his position a bit better, having met Quentin Travers. 

"Screw that! And screw whatever new guy they send. We've got each other, we don't need any Watcher."

"I just can't imagine life here without Giles," Buffy said. He'd already said he wasn't leaving, she just hoped he meant it.

Faith was obviously on the same thought track. "Hey, B, I'm sure he'll stick around. I mean, if you want him too. Me, I'm not sure I could forgive something like that, but, well, you've always been better on that front. Hell, just take Angel."

Buffy glared. "Leave him out of this."

Faith raised her hands in mock surrender. "I know, not going there." Jumping down, she began to pace. "Are the Council guys still in town? Cause we could go find them and rough them up a bit, show them what Slayers really can do."

Faith's enthusiasm and support were infectious, and Buffy appreciated her indignation. Buffy breathed in, enjoying the unusual quiet of the cemetery. She spent so much time here, but always on high alert. In the sunlight with Faith, she could relax just a bit. "There's only Travers left, no thanks to his inability to set up a test that worked right, and I think he's already skipped town. Back across the pond to the land of Tea and Scones and not caring about Slayers."

"That's bullshit. Where would he be without us?" demanded Faith. "We're the Chosen Ones, he can't do jack squat without us."

"Yeah."

Faith nudged her, grinning. "Come on, it'll take some time for them to send over Replacement Watcher. And in the meantime, we'll show them why we don't need one. We're the Chosen Two, we make the rules now. This is our war and we fight our way."

"Yeah, I maybe can work with that. Speaking of, I could use a good fight right now. Let's go find one." Buffy headed off, feeling a bit more centered than she'd started. She was still the Slayer, Giles would still be here, Faith still had her back. Everything would be ok.

"That's my girl!"

* * *

* * *

"You lied to me."

Giles, in the middle of packing up weapons, startled so hard he dropped his armful, blades clattering to the floor. Buffy stood just by the library desk, arms folded. She'd been scarce all day, and Giles hadn't wanted to push her. Lord knew he deserved her scorn. But seeing her, no matter how angry, something in his soul eased.

"You poisoned me," she continued, and Giles could say nothing in his defense.

"And worst, you let me panic for days, when you knew exactly what was going on! Do you know how scared I was?!"

Giles bowed his head, heart clenching. He'd been prepared for the test, much as he saw no need for it. He knew she'd do brilliantly, even without her Slayer powers. Giles had never doubted her courage or ingenuity. But he hadn't been prepared for Buffy's fear and confusion. He hadn't known how to respond to her as she desperately sought the answers he held. He always knew that administering the Cruciamentum would mean failing Buffy, but he hadn't known just how much.

"Well? Gonna say anything?" Buffy stood before him, a mere inches away. 

"Buffy. I am so, so sorry. I-I-I didn't think I had a choice, and I was wrong. So very wrong, in everything. I don't expect your forgiveness, but please know-" 

Buffy's upraised hand cut him off. He stared at her mutely, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks as she stared back, expression opaque.

"Angel and Faith both want to beat up Travers, you know. Well, that or worse."

Giles blinked at the change in subject. Inwardly, he shivered at the prospect of meeting an enraged, vengeful Angel. But Faith, dear God. Another Slayer he'd inadvertently betrayed. What must she think?

"You told Faith?"

Buffy nodded grimly. "Everything. Good luck to whichever Watcher she has on her eighteenth birthday."

"Quite," Giles replied. "And I regret to report that Quentin Travers flew back to England this morning."

Buffy hitched a shoulder. "I figured. But it's kinda nice that they both want to avenge me." She laughed a little, and Giles found himself smiling as well, even though he shouldn't. 

Obviously catching his worry, Buffy's smile widened. "Don't worry, I won't let them make you the scapegoat."

"They'd have every right," Giles said quietly.

Buffy toyed with a strand of hair, the movement drawing Giles' attention to the healing gash across her forehead. She'd suffered so much, because of him. Even facing Angel's _tender mercies_ would be just punishment for his betrayal of her. Idly, he wondered if this was how the vampire felt each day.

Buffy looked up, more tentative than Giles could ever remember seeing her. "You, um, you said you weren't going anywhere. When Travers said you were fired. Did you mean that?"

Swallowing hard, Giles nodded. Would she tell him to leave? That she didn't want him here?

"You're sure?" She sounded like a lost child, and it was all Giles could do not to take her in his arms right then, but he still wasn't sure what she wanted.

"Buffy, I want to stay with you, to fight by your side. But if you - if you would prefer I didn't... I'll do whatever you need. Anything you want. Just name it." Saying that, he closed his eyes, trying to steel himself to hear her answer.

Instead, he felt two slender, strong arms close around him tightly. 

"I told you once that you can't leave me," she whispered in his ear. 

His heart soaring, he hugged her back. "Thank you."

Travers was a close-minded, tradition-addled fool, to even think that caring for one's Slayer was a weakness. How could he not care for her, love her, want to ease her burden any way he could.

Giles held Buffy tightly, letting her forgiveness wash over him. They would survive this, and he vowed to work to earn back her trust. Nothing would separate them again.

**Author's Note:**

> Title means "To grant forgiveness or grace".


End file.
